Monday, 10 September 2012
I texted my mum yesterday to let her know that I was struggling. She called me, and after a brief chat I just apologized for interrupting her break (from me) and hung up. She said she'd call later, but she never did. I got a text asking how I went with dinner, and I just said "I've eaten enough that I completely hate myself and want to throw up, so that's something". Obviously that's satisfactory because I still haven't heard from her again. Ugh. I feel stupid and annoying for interrupting her break. I came in a little under 1,000 yesterday, but obviously today's going to be lower. I just ran an hour in my nightie to get rid of some of the water weight from yesterday, and I'm looking at <800 today. I've finished up my burn for the week (5 hours running plus extra, negative weekly net). Obviously <500 doesn't work, so 800 seems like my number for successful restriction. Ugh. I'm so fat. Getting weighed tomorrow. My legs are starting to hurt from cutting back on protein so at least that's a bonus. I had horrible heartburn all last night from a chocolate bar I ate to get my cals up, so I definetely learnt my lesson there. Expecting mum home sometime between lunch and afternoon tea. I'm depressed, pissed off, forgotten, and at the tailend of basically a 48 hour panic attack, so fucking excuse me if I didn't do the dishes. I don't care. There's surprisingly few given it was just me home - all that I'm out of are 1/2 cup bowls and I'm down to two teaspoons, but I can deal with that. I'm not doing them. Fuck it. I ran in my pajamas, and now I'm back in bed. Everything's just so fucking daunting.