My life is always very monotonous, in case you guys hadn't picked that up already. I always have a set routine, and it's usually either busy as hell or doing nothing for weeks straight. At the moment it's more the latter. I wake up around 6am at the moment, and sit on the back porch in my armchair drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and checking blogs and such until my mum gets up (around 7-7:30 at the moment). I usually drink two Thermos mugs (500ml/16oz each) of black coffee before breakfast. After mum's had a coffee, I drag my butt reluctantly into the kitchen to make breakfast. I drink another litre (two mugs) of coffee with breakfast, because I just can't get it down without it. Usually 1.5 slices of Vegemite toast and a 1/2 cup bowl of oats, but recently it's more oats, less toast, and I still don't finish it. But more on that later. Then, I jump straight on the elliptical trainer and run for anywhere between 60-90 minutes (I'm at four hours in three days). After that, I might have another quick coffee with mum is she's around, then I grind up a mix and just head to bed with my pipe. I honestly don't do anything else with my day except run. That's my whole day really.
I'm putting off meals as long as I can at the moment, which isn't long. But normally I'm in the kitchen getting things ready early. Recently, mum's been having to come down to my room to remind me that it's time to have lunch. And afternoon tea. I'm usually up and about for dinner, but a couple of nights I've tried to ignore it. I just really don't want to eat at the moment. I think it's just because I know that I'm going to restrict this weekend when I'm home alone anyway, so why not make it the week? Mum asked me earlier if I was okay with her going away this weekend, and I cheerily replied "yeah", and that I can always call her if something comes up. I'm not, really. But I know that I'm going to restrict when I'm alone anyway. If she puts it off for a week, that'll just mean I'm restricting two weeks in a row. This way I can at least get back on track on Tuesday... I hope...
On that, solid food is getting harder to eat, and it scares the shit out of me. I'm mostly eating oats, soup, yoghurt... things like that. It scares me when this happens, because last time it got to the point that I couldn't bring myself to swallow any food, and I was down to 2 calories a day (a weak black coffee in the morning, and another one or a Coke Zero in the afternoon) for a little over a week. It wasn't even planned fasting, and it wasn't stopping. I was scared to death that I wouldn't be able to eat ever again. After a few stumbling through doctors offices and having paramedics at my house for the first time, I was admitted to hospital with blood sugars of 2.2 and given more than 20 IV drips (dextrose, potassium, magnesium and saline, mostly) in the first 24 hours, with four lines in my arm at once, constantly hooked up for a week (this is when the psych, JB, fucked me up even more, and I was discharged AMA and back to Emergency a week later in an even worse state). I never want to go back there again. I'm nearly 10 months hospital-free, and I want to make it through the year. I can't fuck it up now. I know I shouldn't be restricting at all, especially when I'm running so much... but I've always eaten little when I've been depressed, except for a few rare occasions.
Since I'm trying to get back on track next week, and I'll be trying to go to Safeway with mum on Tuesday or Wednesday (I haven't left the house at all this week), I decided it'd be a good time to do a good ol' fashioned supermarket crawl. Up and down every isle, turning around every package to check the nutritional information. Well, not everything, but still. So far I have on my list: Different yoghurts/dairy snacks, Crunchy cereal or granola, Different types of oats, All the health food isle, Dessert sachets (like jello/puddings), Hot drink mixes, Sauces, Different pastas/grains, Plain fish (frozen or fresh).
Does anyone have any suggestions of things to keep an eye out for? Of course, living in Australia we have some different products, but still, any suggestions are welcome! Not too bothered on whether they'll be 'safe' foods or not, just looking for some new things to try! :)
xxBella
I'd go through everything frozen... don't know how much you have frozen pre-cooked/sliced etc. things in Australia, but in Finland at least they're really worth checking I often find surprises among those things.
ReplyDeleteFrozen strawberry yogurt, healthy refreshing and yum. (one thing i miss going vegan) and maybe branch out and challenge urself a bit by picking semi solid foods, or things lime quinoa and buckwheat and thats soooo good for protein and fibre? Im the same, its.when im not trying to fast that i restrict the most with my mood. its what proves its a mental illness and nt a diet choice because the control isnt totally in our hands.
ReplyDeletelow blood sugar sucks. ive been there too xxx
I'm the same,
ReplyDeleteI have a set routine and it completely throws me if something out of the ordinary happens
I used to be so spontaneous but now I am a creature of habit
Sending you love and a hug x
If you're being lonely and bored staying in your house, maybe you can try and go out, have a walk, meet some friends, go to the cinema or a museum ! I am sure there are plenty of things to boost up your daily routine !
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you have that but you should try and look for 'purin preparations' (http://www.kyounoryouri.jp/upfile/l_1234759470_8129.jpg) it is only 40 cal (average) and super yummy! I don't know if that counts as solid food anyway ><
Love you :)
My anxiety really stops me from doing those things :( I barely get out of the house, let alone in situations that involve being social. I just need to start talking to my old local friends again, haha. I just found a recipe, does this look right (http://japanesefood.about.com/od/japanesedessertsweet/r/custardpudding.htm)? They look interesting - they remind me of creme brulees!
DeleteHey! I'm Sam from Sydney, in remission-ish from AN, nice to have found your blog. ;-)
ReplyDeleteQueenie has some great ideas about things to do. I wonder if perhaps you sometimes feel like getting out of your home or head, but don't really want to interact with people or be anywhere too stimulating? When I feel that way I go on little excursions, perhaps to the bookstore to browse the books (with no intention of buying any), to the park to be amongst nature and perhaps read or do a craft, to the nursery to look at plants, I've even gone to the local dog park to be around dogs when I didn't even have a dog at the time -- yes, people did think I was a bit odd, but I need my canine therapy! I guess my point is that there are stacks of things you can do, all for free, to get your mind off things without having to tax yourself too much mentally if you don't want to.
Re: the supermarket, perhaps you could think about buying some herbs or spices to add some variety to your meals or you could go to the greengrocer and buy a fruit or vegetable to eat that you haven't tried before or eaten in a while. You could be as adventurous or as 'safe' as you wanted; trying out a seasonal exotic fruit for example or simply a new type of cherry or grape tomato.
Do let us know how it goes!
Oh hi! It's nice to meet you - I haven't seen any other Australians on Blogger so far, so it's nice to get a comment from one :) Thanks for your suggestions xx
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