Sun shining through

My appointment went wonderfully. My weight went down slightly, but moreorless the same. She also got me in at 8:10 on the 9th, in two weeks, which is great. So I'm happy to keep my intake up. I just didn't want it to skyrocket up when I had no appointments. I don't feel so much pressure to lose weight at the moment, and I hope it holds. My dietician was a little concerned about my heart. She asked how my anxiety was, and I told her about my heart rate being 100-120 resting and 160+ when I panic. So she got me an appointment with the recommended GP at my clinic, straight after my next appointment with her (8:30 on the ninth) to at least get OBs, bloods and my heart checked. So that's organized, which is good. I also showed her some pictures of things I've cooked in the last week - healthy fish & chips (plain hoki fillet, 200g potato tossed in 1/2 tsp olive oil and seasonings and baked, and salad - only 250 cal!) and a two-cake batch of cupcakes being honorable mentions. She was stoked that I'm eating more protein, and she was also happy to hear about my adventures in hand fruit. I've been eating fruit by hand, and just weighing it before-and-after, instead of eating precisely weighed diced portions with a fork. So, all in all, it's been an okay week. She mentioned that my weight does need to be going up in the big picture, which she does every now and then. I just groan and say that I don't want it to. But I understand why she has to say it. She also offered if I wanted to see the other dietician at the clinic, for the weeks she's away. But I explained that I'd rather not be weighed at all, than to be weighed and not have the necessary support. But if I'm struggling I can still go see someone, which is nice.

I'm feeling a bit better today. I don't know. I just woke up optimistic, which is rare. And my weigh in going well just sealed the deal on my good mood. I was actually smiling the whole way in and out of the clinic. I looked through Tupperware catalouges with mum and laughed with her. I left smiling and just went to the car to roll a ciggie, not to cry. I didn't have an anxiety attack or cry or scream or hurt myself when I left. I feel kinda okay today.