I hadn't really thought of this before, but it came out when I was talking (crying, more so) to my mum earlier. I was already in a world of shit before my ED. But when my ED is so involving, how often does my C-PTSD ruin my day? Very rarely, and usually only on significant dates (I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Other things that were catalysts to my depression & severe anxiety have been swept aside by ED thoughts, too. Yes, they do still effect me often, but the real issues don't. I don't have to write my statement and go to court, because I'm sick. I can't go to therapy to deal with what he did to me, or what I've done to me, because I'm sick. I don't have to face the real, deep down issues that ruined my life long before my ED, be because my mind feels 100% ED thoughts 24/7. (Ask my mum the last time I talked to her about something non-ED related. My chit-chat is numberscaloriesweightrunningnumbersfatfoodeatingnumbers.) I don't have to think about why I've done any of the messed up things I've done in the past 7-8 years, or why I can't remember anything before that, or any of the ways people have hurt me or I've hurt myself. Because its more important to be obsessed with these ED things. No one cares why I ended up this way, they just care about dealing with the ED and sending you on your way. I've been constantly seeing psychiatrists and in-and-out of hospital since I was 12 (I'm 19 now), and depressed & suicidal long before that (though I have little memory before I was 12). But none of those issues matter now.
I don't know if I'm even saying this right. I just feel like my eating disorder protects me from having to deal with the real issues, in so many ways. Does any one understand what I'm trying to say?