My friends, I'm lonely. It hit me the other day. I've been single for three months now, and while I have no regrets about kicking his ass out, I'm a little lonely. I never leave the house, except for the doctor/dietician and the supermarket, really. I've seen two friends in the past three months. One's not talking to me anymore since she got a new girlfriend. Sigh. I've talked to maybe four or five friends. I'm too anxious to do anything most of the time. But I'd like to maybe catch up with a friend for drinks at their house, or something quiet like that. I'm going to see a friend (the second one I've seen) tonight and pick up some lemons to make him lemon cakes. Yeah. I don't know either. But he's been talking about lemon cakes for months. He has all these lemons, and he loves lemon cakes, and he knows I love baking, so yeah. And he's kinda supplying my bud at the moment, too, so yeah. A favor for a favor.
So that's my social life. A guy friend I used to drink and dance and *cough* with asked me to a party the other week. But on top of the anxiety that comes with groups of unknown people, I'm too fucking tired after dinner time to do anything, let alone all that jazz. But who knows, next time I get an invite to drink (maybe not a party), I might go have some fun. I miss old me. Pre-ED-and-boyfriend me. But I can't go back to drinking and partying and eating junk and booty-calling my friends. So yeah. Boo. I'm just lonely. I just need a friend, some drinks, and a fun night.
Also, when it comes to things like booty-calls, it scares the shit out of me. Most people haven't seen me not just since my normal weight, but 10kg higher. I'm 30kg lighter now than I am last time the guy who invited me out saw me (and I wasn't overweight then). I don't know how people are gonna react to me being so much smaller. On the other hand, I feel 'too fat' to be seen by anyone, let alone naked. That's ED logic for you, I guess.
I just want a cuddle :<