Today's been pretty bad. I'm still feeling awfully depressed, and quickly losing will to keep trying. Maybe it's time for me to finally give up and start losing weight again. I woke up with indigestion after eating too many sugary things yesterday, but that meant I had plenty of energy stored to power through a 90 minute run. Last week, I only ran on Wednesday because I was so depressed/overwhelmed all week. This week, I'm aiming for my 90 minute Wednesday depletion run, a 30 minute run Friday or Saturday, and another short 60 minute depletion on Monday. I'm also aiming for an under 800 cal average, and given my ~1,300 'cheat' day yesterday, that leaves me with about 710 calories a day. I got this.

Today I ate 498 calories. I don't normally post intakes anymore, but today I feel like sharing, just for old time's sake.

Breakfast: One slice of 4 Seed toast with WW canola spread and Vegemite, Half sachet WeightWise oats with stevia & cinnamon, 32oz black coffee. (158)
Lunch: Whole sachet oats with stevia & cinnamon, water-canned diced peaches with fat-free yoghurt & bran, 16oz black coffee (173)
Dinner: Baked potato, steamed baby carrots, homemade fat-free beef gravy, iceberg lettuce, sugar free lemonade, sugar free ice cream with caramel topping (166)
Snacks: 32oz coffee (4)

Total intake: 498 calories
Total burn: 1,575 calories

It's still a lot of food, but I'm nearly comfortable with 500-600, and I think it should be enough to keep my sugars up. And lose weight, obviously. After all, that's all that matters. I don't know if I'll eat the same tomorrow, but who knows. I'm just confused and depressed at the moment.

I'm gonna be home alone for a couple of days, not this weekend but the next. You better believe I'm already making meal plans! Nothing too extreme, just stuff that might worry mum if she were home. Like waiting until the afternoon until I have breakfast, calling baby carrots a meal, eating ridiculous amounts of safe foods... Of course under 500. Maybe pull a little fast. I dunno.

I'm trying to get a handle on where my weight's at at the moment, and from my dietician's told me, I'm guessing around 46-46.5kg. That means I've got about a kilo to lose before I get back to 99 lb/45.3 kg, so that's doable. In fact, it's quite doable under the nose of my dietician, so I'll already have hit my first 'goal weight' before I start weighing myself again. Still don't know when that'll be, but it's safe to say I'll be back in the 90 lb range, or maybe even the high end of the 80s, by the end of the year. Slow and steady - I need to remember that. I'll be happy with 90lb (around 41kg - my LW) by new year. Maybe.

Also, I ended up getting nearly two weeks worth of views in 24 hours yesterday. There's my 5 minutes of blogging fame. Ladies and gentlemen, we now return to your regular programme.

xxBella