Saturday, 9 June 2012

Back on Top

I'm back on top of things today! Tested my sugar levels just now. They just frikkin' normal. Hopefully after an apple or yoghurt and a run they'll come back up. I might aim a little higher for calories today, and have some grain toast for lunch... But only if I need it and my sugars are dropping.

I scratched my chest up pretty badly yesterday. And hit my hand & wrist. My wrist really swelled up, and my knuckles are just becoming larger and rounder and filled with fluid, and they ache all the time. At least it's better than cutting/burning/hitting my head, right? (not that the latter's stopped anyway) :-/

Gonna prepare a couple of little watermelon & strawberry fruit salads for the day, just so I have something on hand. Also have to whip more jelly! I think I'm going to have a slow day again today, just because I can. Hope I can keep my sugars in better check today!

Stay strong



  1. My knuckle's a swollen mess at the moment too. I used to do it instead of cutting, but now I just do both. I need to get some control, hahah.
    I'm glad your blood sugar's going back up, I was worried that you'd collapse. Don't push yourself too hard if it will make you too ill. Is there nothing you can take to raise your blood sugar without eating?
    Take care of yourself.

    1. I get worried that the swelling in my knuckle will make me gain weight >.~ Am I the only one this paranoid? lol

      I can take glucose tablets, but no one seems to think they're a good idea because it's avoiding the issue and not the most stable way to do it :( In hospital I was on constant drips, but even when I ate, I'd hypo within 4 hours of getting the IV out :-/ To quote the dickhead psych who didn't want me to get the drip: "Food can fix everything that's wrong with you." But as I said, he was an idiot :P


    2. I think that. When I'm bruised and swollen I wonder if it's making me retain water weight. I also wonder if cutting will make me lose weight because of the blood loss. Have you ever thought about that? Hahah.

      The psychiatrist sounds like a twat saying that.
      I hope you're okay, don't get really ill.

    3. More than that, I wonder if it burns calories to regenerate the blood! And yeah, the psych was a twat. His claim to fame for me is that he sectioned me, then it lapsed because he forgot to review me (which he hadn't heard of happening in over a decade). I didn't mind because it meant I couldn't be forced into an ED Unit, but my mum was sure pissed off!

      I won't get really ill - promise! :)

    4. I've never thought of that. It probably burns so few it's completely unnoticeable, but still quite an interesting thought.
      Have you ever been into an ED unit?

      Thank you for promising, haha.

    5. Yeah, on an involuntary treatment order for 5 weeks early last year >.< I gained like 2kg while I was there, and lost it in 3 days, lol.

    6. You lost it again in 3 days? Wow, that must have pissed off the doctors? Haha.
      Stay healthy!

  2. Losing blood doesn't really make you burn calories. However, for the body to heal a wound, it sure takes a lot of energy ! (I'm so not saying that to encourage your selfharming !) That's why people stay at hospital a few days even after their surgery's done.

    I never hurt myself like that, I'm too scared. I'd rather stay in my room and yell and cry, telling me I'm a loser. ><' I guess everyone hates oneself in one's way ><

    Be healthy :)