Saturday, 23 June 2012

I don't want Recovery

I haven't wanted the weight gain or psych help regardless, and today, I really don't think I want any of it (it lasted a whole week... Hah). Yes, I need to keep my intake up so I don't hypo. Yes, I want to find out why I gain so easily (mostly so I can lose easier). I just want Tuesday to get here so everyone can shit bricks at how much I've gained, and I can find out why. I'm going to keep seeing the dietician until I find a good balance between intake/maintaining BSL/losing weight, and I need to see my GP to get a new Implanon in the next month, but I don't want any of this shit. I just want to find a way to keep my intake at an okay level, keep my sugars from plummeting, and lose weight.

I'm miserable no matter what my weight or intake is, so might as well take the option that'll kill me, right?

Sorry for being so depressing lately. This'll all change on Wednesday when I know if I've gained/maintained/lost. For now, I'm off to stuff my fucking face because I'm desperate to stick to the Plan and find out why my body is so fucked. Otherwise this week will all be for nothing.

A lot of my feelings are because I'm too fat to get help, but I don't care. I'll never fucking try to get help again - wouldn't want to waste any doctor's precious time.

Pic below is after eating lunch. BMI 13.5-14.0, and I'm too fucking fat to get help. Gonna be heading back towards BMI 13.0, 12.0, and below. Fuck maintaining.

2 comments:

  1. I think you're beautiful :)
    Fuck what the doctors say. If they don't want to help you then, try and find someone else who would understand you, not as a patient but as a human being, and will help you getting better without growing fat.
    Be strong Xx

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    1. Thanks hun :) I'm just gonna stick to the dietician for now, so I can sort my hypoglycemia (I was meant to see one since last November for hypoglycemia, lol), then I can lose weight again :)

      Good to see you back online ^^,

      xxBella

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