Confused

I know I don't want to gain weight, nor do I need to. I know I don't want or need psych help. I don't even know if I want to eat healthier amounts anymore, and try to lose weight once whatever-the-hell's going on in my body is sorted out, or just give up and die in a hypoglycemic coma. Eating is so hard, so much effort. I haven't gotten to 800 in the last two days, when I should be at 800-1,000 this week. I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I feel any happier, or if I will once I find this 'balance'. I will be if I start losing weight again. I want to restrict so badly, but I know my sugars plummet, still, after 6-8 hours without a mini-meal. I've felt so weak all year because my body just doesn't have what it takes to restrict anymore, though it's all I want to do. I don't know if I want to live anymore. I just want to lose more weight.